Path To The Light…

 

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A path to the light has been found, a new beginning has emerged from all the pain.

I can not begin to tell you all that the last couple of weeks has brought to me.
Another doctors appointment and Kim coming to the Big Easy! 

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First thing first Kim (aka Astrid) came to stay with me in NOLA!
I can’t tell you how excited I was for her to come.
I was like a giddy little school girl the whole time, waiting impatiently.
When she finally arrived Robbie & I swooped her up and took her for a stroll in downtown.
I do say I wish we would have had more time there as we were having a grand time.
We visited shops, saw the sites, watched local dancers & musicians,
revisited places from the Tomboy years and made great plans.
It was a magical day and I was so happy she then got to meet all the wonderful people in my life.

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We headed out to the doctor the next morning and of course mother nature was dishing out some freezing temps with sleet and snow. It was beautiful and serene to see the snow falling through the pines. We had a plan to listen to her playlist the way there but the music quickly faded as were chatting away.

We went through our checklists for the doctor because…we forget. I teased her about her “SURPRISE” after we left the doctor…I know she was so excited that I planned this without her knowing anything! We talked and talked about everything and anything. It was a great drive there!


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Arriving at the doctor we got all checked in and had some laughs with their Valentine Bag display. Drop a little sweatheart into the bag you liked the most. Good Times! Well we finally got called back and Kim went first. Before doc came in she shared with me some truly inspiring words from her book that left us both in tears. We held hands and prayed as the moment sank in. Doc came in and we shared with him her words of inspiration and we all hugged it out. LOL<3
She broke out her list and started firing questions as I took notes in the corner…again we forget. Then it was my turn and I started firing away with my questions and Kim was in the corner taking notes. We came and accomplished the goals we set out for our recovery and left with our hopes and hearts filled!  I have to say each visit to see him is very emotional. We laugh, we cry and we PRAY! Words can not express the true depth of how much I have been blessed to have Kim & our LLMD in my life. They are both truly an inspiration and my saviors. All three of us will do great things…you just wait and see!

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So the moment yall have been waiting for….THE BIG SURPRISE!!As soon as we left doc’s office we headed to our surprise destination. Kim was so excited and we talked about all that we accomplished in our visit.
We finally arrived at The Paragon Casino!!

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Kim was SO EXCITED!!! We got checked into our room and I did my last IV treatment while she got ready. She helped me fix my hair because it is sooooo dry and frail from all the antibiotics it just looks like a big rats nest most of the time. She worked her magic and BOOM brushable hair!! I was one happy lady! We got dressed and headed down to see the gators in the lobby and off to the casino. I did not have a care in the world that night I was free from my port & IV and with a true friend. Kim says I was walking tall that night, beaming with confidence, I personally did not feel so confident…I just didn’t care. I was not there to impress anyone just wanted to have a great time and unwind with her. I wad kid free, hubby free and stress free…could not ask for anything more!! We played the penny & nickel slots most of the night and we met some interesting people. THANKS to W for the great service lol! After we were done in the casino we popped back to the room to freshen up and then headed for dinner in the little 50’s diner they had. We brought the food up to the room and talked some more. We came up with some great ideas ( I will be sharing after my visit to Austin…so keep tuned). I had the best night hanging out with her. I felt free for the first time in a long time.

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The next morning we packed up and headed down to check out. While we were checking out I stopped to take some pictures of Kim in the lobby and out of nowhere an older gentleman asked who she was. He assumed because I looked all professional that she was someone famous getting her pictures taken. Funny enough the man was the piano player for Crystal Gayle…GO FIGURE!! So I captured a few shots of our up and coming start Kim and Mr. Dunlap. Just a side note did some researching and he and his brother also played for Loretta Lynn and are in the Louisiana Music Hall of Fame! 

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On our way home we were passing an old PIGGLY WIGGLY and we both looked at each other and said “I haven’t seen one in ages, lets go!” So, we went and in that split second decision changed the course of our lives forever.

We went in to buy some shirts and ended up making some new friends. Kim was telling the ladies all about Lyme and I was talking with the cashier and coming up aisle 8 was a Cajun as true as the come. He was speaking in that Cajun tongue and my messed up brain was having a hard time keeping up. He then asked me if I knew God’s name…and I just looked puzzled. He then said God’s name is HOWARD. 

I turned and looked at Kim and said you have to hear this. One thing led to another and before we knew it we were in the back of the store where he was smoking some turkey necks. It smelled sooo good. He was so sweet and asked if we had time and I said of course. He said to meet him upfront and so we headed up. 
On aisle 8 of the Piggly Wiggly a new mission and dream was born. 
I can not tell you the details of this yet but you will know all about it shortly.

After a short while he came up aisle 8 bearing a big gift. He had brought us some yummy ribs to take home for dinner. Now Kim and I both know he bought those for us and we are truly grateful for his generosity because he did not have to. One of those moments in life when you know a kind and giving soul and makes you feel the urge to Pay It Forward! Thank you for showing us your true soul, we love ya Mr. Gautreaux!! ❤


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To say the least Kim & I talked of our new plans the whole way home. I took notes of our conversation and all the details from our trip. This is one of the best days of my life, I will never forget the birth of this new beginning. Our lives and the people around us will forever be changed because of this day. 

There will be more to come on all the developments but just keep this in mind BIG things are happening for these two ladies…BIG DREAMS COMING TRUEOur path to the light has begun.


2-7-14 New Beginnings Pinky Swears LOVE YA SWEETIE ❤
Here is to US and our NEW future!
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Reality of Treatment & More

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    This is a two part update in one post as it is taking me longer and longer to get the energy to put information together that makes sense. First part is on my IV treatments and the rest is on Lyme today and how it effects everyone. Please get informed there is so much information out there and I have saved you alot of trouble by posting many of the links in the second part of this post. Thank you evreryone for your continued support and prayers they are very appreciated.

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    Two weeks of treatment have come and gone and I have definitely noticed a difference in how I feel. I just wish this was going to be the worst of it but I know sadly it is not. My energy level is low that even getting up to go to the bathroom is a task that I would rather not partake in. My phone rings off the wall and a streams of text messages a day. I wish I had the energy to talk to everyone that calls or texts but I don’t. I PROMISE I am not ignoring anyone on purpose 🙂 
    Just writing this blog takes so much out of me. My sweet friend Kim had a great idea to start updating with video but I have not been as brave as her to expose that part of this ugly, relentless disease. Maybe one day I can but for now I will just have to keep using pictures and my written word.

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    My friend mentioned something in her blog about the cost of this treatment and how insurance companies will only pay for 28 days of “investigational treatment” I thought I should add that to my blog as well. The cost for most people after this period will be on average $45/day. That is only for IV Home Infusion, that does not count the other antibiotics, medications, supplements and supplies needed. The reason that this is so important is there is such a coverup going on here and people are dying from Lyme because they can not get proper treatment! The cost of treating Lyme is very expensive and most doctors don’t want to get into trouble for treating it. So here are a few things to ponder.http://lymedisease.org/news/lyme_disease_views/lymepolicywonk-annual-lyme-costs-now-top-3-1-billion%E2%80%94it%E2%80%99s-time-to-wake-up.html

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    To give you an idea on how POPULAR insurance companies view Late/Chronic Lyme Disease, here is what is in your EOB’s (Explanation of Benefits):Aetna– http://www.aetna.com/cpb/medical/data/200_299/0215.html
     (If you actually read this all the way through you would be amazed at the constant contradictions in how it is confirmed and how it is treated. Just to give you an idea here is a clip from it.

  • Aetna considers outpatient intravenous antibiotic therapy medically necessary in adult and pediatric members with the diagnosis of Lyme disease only when it is based on the clinical presentation of signs and symptoms compatible with the disease and supported by a positive serologic and/or cerebrospinal fluid (CSF) titer ( So they want a SPINAL TAP)by indirect immunofluorescence assay (IFA), Prevue Borrelia burgdorferi antibody detection assay, or enzyme-linked immunosorbent assay (ELISA), which itself is validated by a positive Western Blot Test (see CDC criteria in note* below).~Aetna considers the following diagnostic tests for Lyme disease experimental and investigational because there is inadequate scientific evidence to prove their usefulness in clinical practice: (Click the link to see full list-you won’t believe your eyes)

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    United Health Care-
     https://www.unitedhealthcareonline.com/ccmcontent/ProviderII/UHC/enUS/Assets/ProviderStaticFiles/ProviderStaticFilesPdf/Tools%20and%20Resources/Policies%20and%20Protocols/Medical%20Policies/Medical%20Policies/Lyme_Disease.pdf ***This one actually admits in its studies section that “IV ceftriaxone therapy resulted in short-term cognitive 
    improvement for patients with posttreatment Lyme encephalopathy, but relapse in cognition
    occured after the antibiotic was discontinued.”
    Blue Cross/Blue Shield– http://www.anthem.com/medicalpolicies/policies/mp_pw_a050480.htm


  • Some interesting sites on how big this is…

  • Dr.Phil Complete Show Parts 1-3

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    If you are reading this then you know someone with Chronic Lyme Disease. YES, YES YOU DO…ME!! So I am pleading with you to raise awareness. It is so more common than you may think. You may know several people with it and not know it or you yourself could have it and not know. People ask me all the time how “I knew” and I have to say it was a series of events and Gods impeccable timing that has gotten me to where I am now. I have had medical issues almost all my life whether it be one thing or another and to find out now that it was all related to Lyme Disease in one way or another angers me beyond comprehension. All it would have taken was for a doctor to test me for it, but because most doctors are not taught about Chronic Lyme or “It’s not common/or in this area” I was never tested or treated for it and went misdiagnosed for over 20 years! I also have to say that the current test that general labs do (western blot test) is not very accurate in determining if a person has Lymes disease unless it is caught within the first couple of months of being “exposed” to it. Like how I use the word “exposed” instead of bitten. The reason I say this is because you can get Lyme disease even if you are not bite by a tick!!!! AGAIN, YOU CAN GET LYME DISEASE EVEN IF YOU DO NOT GET BITE BY A TICK!!  It as not well documented but more and more studies show that Lyme disease is passed from mother to baby during pregnancy and that mosquitoes, small rodents carry Lyme as well.So, please do not be fooled by this massive ploy to hide this from the mainstream public. People are profiting off of this disease worse than any other I have ever seen and it needs to stop. People need to stop dying for inadequate care from doctors and insurance. I do not wish this disease on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

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    This disease strains every relationship that you have in life one way or another. No one fully accepts or understands what this disease is like unless they have it themselves. It takes on so many different things that it is not just one thing that defines it. The symptoms cover such a broad spectrum and come and go that people and doctors think you are crazy and need mental help. Its very hard for a person to have their own family and friends turn on them. The isolation that CLD (Chronic Lyme Disease) brings on is unimaginable. 

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    So to everyone out there family, friends, acquaintances and my fellow Lymies, I pray for us all to find peace with this disease and I pray for full disclosure to the world. So that one of your family members, friends, co-workers, friend of a friend,  or acquaintance does not feel the burden as I do now. The more it is talked about the more they will have to listen. If all of our voices become “ONE” we will be heard.Lots of love my friends it maybe awhile till my next post, so keep me and my fellow Lymies in your prayers…we need them! #Lymies4Life http://statigr.am/tag/lymediseaseawareness

  • Whole site dedicated on everything LYME! http://lymepedia.org/
  • Here are a list of celebrities with Chronic Lyme Disease:Daryl Hall – Hall & Oates
    Yolanda Foster Real Housewives
    Amy Tan author
    George W. Bush
    Parker Posey
    Alice Walker
    Peter Sarsgaard
    Richard Gere actor
    Tim Simpson, professional golfer
    Diane Varsi, actress
    Alice Walker, author
    Christie Todd Whitman, Governor 
    Ben Stiller & son, Comedian
    Christie Brinkley, Model
    Here is a longer list of famous people with LD or CDL
    http://lymeinside.wordpress.com/2011/11/22/index-of-famous-people-with-lyme-disease/
    http://hausfeldaboutlyme.wordpress.com/2010/06/30/celebrities-with-lyme-we-cant-all-be-crazy/
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  • PLEASE WAKE UP AND SPREAD AWARENESS!!!
    You may just save a life!
    http://timeforlyme.org/join-donation.html
    http://www.lymeresearchalliance.org/involved_donate.html

Index of Famous people with Lyme Disease

Lyme Inside - Living with Late Stage Lyme Disease

*Not sure how many of these are accurate or true but I thought I would share.

Index of Famous people with Lyme disease

** = Added to the list I found.

**Christy Turlington
**Dr. Alan McDonald
**Krissy Nordhoff
**Darryl Hall (musician)
**Parker Posey (actress)
**Amy Tan (writer)
**Ben Stiller (Actor) possible LD

Alphabetical Index of Famous people with LD

Jane Alexander – Actress/Author
Berkley Bedell former Iowa Congressman
Lisa Bevill (Christian singer) wrote a song about her battle, here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rua0MGxFW0k
Also her story can be heard here: http://www.wsradio.com/player/wsradio-p… 23669.html
Burrascano, Joseph Md (Pioneer in LD treatment – retired -LLMD)
George W. Bush, Former President of the USA
Neneh Cherry, member of musical group “Fine Young Cannibals”
Mary-Lynn Currier, marathoner
Nick Esasky, former baseball player
Michael J. Fox, actor
Julie Furtado, professional bike rider
Richard Gere, actor
Pete Harnisch, New York Mets pitcher
Ally Hilfiger – daughter of famous designer Tommy…

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Stay Strong

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Yesterday I returned for my 6 week checkup after being diagnosed with Acute & Chronic Lyme Disease. I love that my doctor takes his time with me and listens carefully to everything I say so that he knows how to treat me best. This is something that I am not used to, as I am used to doctors calling me crazy lol. 

After being on all the medications for six weeks it has taken its toll on my body and my stomach. It has come to our attention that my pill intake has to be cut drastically down so that my stomach will calm down. The decision to start IV medications was made yesterday. I will now be taking my antibiotics by IV and only a small few by pill form. 

This is a huge step in progress for me. I desperately want to get better fast, but I know that I will get worse before I get better. It is just part of the process of killing this off and ALL the co-infections that I am plagued with. After going over all of the lab tests and symptoms it is clear how sick I really am and you would never know by looking at me. I can not stress enough how debilitating this disease is and how great it is at masking it all. I hate the famous line “well you don’t look sick”. That line makes me want to vomit and explode on someone.

I met a man from Arkansas while I was there and he was new to all this but had been suffering for about three years. We talked and talked about all the things that needed to be done and how great our doctor is and how effective his treatment plan is. He shared a little secret that most of us with an invisible illness don’t talk about alot to other people. He mentioned that his wife was having a hard time accepting all this that he felt like no one believes him. 

We have all been there. I have talked about it before how being this sick for so long can take its toll on any relationship. I feel like I have been a burden all these years. That nothing I was ever doing was ever good enough because I was not at my best. It has strained many relationships in my life including my marriage. It is an awful feeling knowing that you are not always pulling your weight and causing that person to pick up the slack. It is alot of pressure for someone. Overall, these people just don’t understand that we don’t want it this way, we want our lives back to whatever “normal” is or was. 

I wish that everyone this disease and many others like it could come with an instruction manual for all the people in your life, especially your spouses.  Maybe then it would not be so hard for them to accept. Maybe they could start to understand that we did not ask for this nor did we want it. It is, what it is….deal with it! If you truly love that person you should give that courtesy of believing them even if you can’t feel or see it for yourself. It takes a whole other level of commitment and love to move through the treatment of this disease. I hope that for most of you out there that you have a spouse and family that love you and are with you every step of the way. But for most I know you are in the same boat as I am, they can’t take it. They up and move on without you, never wanting to see you better and normal for the first time.  I have listened to many people that are back to “normal” now that say those people try to step back in your life after it is all over with. This pains me greatly. What makes them think you would want them back in your life if they can’t tough it out with you through the tough times. To me that shows a lack of character and commitment. There is no love there, it is a selfish relationship. Those people need to be purged from your life so a new and positive place opens up in your heart.

Ok enough of my side rant! To say the least here I am excited that my treatment is going in this direction because I know I will start to get better faster than I would on the pills. I will still be sick for a long time but there is an end in sight. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I maybe crawling there but I will get there, I can promise you that! I have great friends and a community of people like me all cheering me on, like I cheer for them. I will keep everyone posted!

I have to keep telling myself over and over again, this to will pass. You will come out stronger on the other side. People in your life that are not worthy will move on and true happiness awaits you on the other side. It will be a long bumpy road but you will get there one day. Keep your head held high and your emotions close because this is the ride of your life.

Stay Strong & Surround Yourself With People Who Love You!

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Lost To Me

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Distant and cold you stand before me
You plague me with rejection
Your lost to me

You deny me at every turn
Your words like fiery daggers
Looks that pierce my soul

You abandoned our love
You forgotten respect

You deserted all emotions
You took everything for granted

Wasted all our dreams
Opened the door to hate
Self-obsessed and thoughtless

I search for the heart I once knew
The sweet nothings in my ear
Your golden tongue

You have taken everything from me
Like a thief in the night
You escaped with my heart


Your lost to me

 

I Become

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Who have I become
Bitter and angry
Cold and distantRaging with emotions
Breaking at every point
Devastated by loss

Words pour from my soured mouth
Hate runs through my veins
My mind is haunted with memories

Sickness devours me
Isolated by suspicion
Drunk with dread

I hate who I have become
I hate what you have made me
I can’t find me

I want to break free
Rise from the ashes
Bring the light back to my eyes

It’s in the distance
Like a beacon in the night
Darkness chasing me

I want the blood to flow again
Pump me with joy
Let hope flow through me

I hate who I have become
I hate what you have made me
I can’t find me

 

Hide Away

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Hide away from the world
Let the darkness consume me
Venom runs through my veins
Time is ticking away

I need you
I want you
But I can’t reach you

Hide away from my fears
The light is fading away
Heart is turning cold
Time is eating me away

I love you
I hate you
I can’t find you

Hide my soul from the pain
Reach your hand through the black
Warm my heart with a kiss
Make time stand still again

I need you
I want you
I love you
Find me again

 

Letting It All Out….

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What better way to let all your emotions come flowing out then with music! I have compiled some playlists from Spotify for your listening enjoyment. I can’t say that you won’t need like fifty boxes of tissues or something to break afterwards but don’t say I didn’t fore warn you!

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Here is the real tear jerkers! Break out your tissues and some Ben & Jerry’s and get to cleansing your soul…#1 on this list to listen to is “Goodbye My Lover” by James Blunt….whew…if that doesn’t leave you sobbing like a baby I don’t know what will! I will post the lyrics below.

Break Up Songs~ Click the link 🙂

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“Goodbye My Lover”Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your hand.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.I am a dreamer and when I wake,
You can’t break my spirit – it’s my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I’d be the father of your child.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bare my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.

[x2]
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.
I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.


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Here are some random songs to cleanse some more…

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Here is some classical music to soothe your soul…Enjoy!


 

What Makes A Woman Sexy?

James Michael Sama

The word “sexy” in modern day society has often become synonymous with the matched drum-beats and stiletto steps we’re used to seeing in Victoria’s Secret advertisements. Don’t get me wrong…that is sexy, but it’s not the only thing that is.

So, be honest…how many of you clicked on this article expecting to see a list consisting of amazing legs, abs, fake boobs, and a tan?

What society tells you is sexy on the surface, is often a small piece of the whole puzzle, if it’s a piece of it at all. But the first thing we need to do, is get rid of this damaging perception.

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So, for those of us who live in the real world, what makes a woman sexy?

Confidence is key. Being perfect, is not. A strong, purposeful walk, head held high, eye contact, and a smile – go a long way.

Confidence breeds more…

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