My journey to answers started years ago, but until recently it brought on a whole new meaning. I have listened to so much negativity throughout the years about my health and my sanity and it has taken its toll on me. The decision to pay for specialized testing through Igenex labs was a tough decision for me. All my fears surfaced on whether or not it was all in my head or the real thing. Years of people planting the seeds of doubt got to me. I knew deep down though I was not crazy; that what was happening to me was real, all of it was real.
So now I take you through the last few days that has forever changed my life.
Wednesday morning my friend Jenna and I set out to see the LLMD doctor that I have been waiting months to see and and a long lost friend. We talked for hours about all that had been happening to me and how people have treated me along the way. I was filled with anxiety. I had so many emotions running through my body it is almost indescribable. I was scared of what was coming and the anxiety just built up till we arrived. I had my moments of doubt on whether or not this was going to give me the answers that I was searching for and Jenna tried her best to ease my mind but I think she was just as anxious as I was.
We finally made into town and arrived at the hotel. My long lost friend Kim came out to meet us. I also met Kim’s friend Vee for the first time. Kim has been in my life for a long time but we lost touch after high school when life took us in different directions. Just a few months ago we found each other again on Facebook. This would turn out to be a pivotal change in both of our lives. She was diagnosed with Chronic Lyme’s Disease and had posted a video about it. We had talked forever about what I was going through and she suggested I watch. I watched the documentary with tears in my eyes the entire time. This was a story of me. Kim and I were convinced that I to had Chronic Lyme’s Disease. Kim helped me through the next couple of months of preparing to see the LLMD doctor that she was seeing and to get the proper testing to diagnose it. I followed her steps and it led me to this day.
We all piled in the car Jenna, Kim, Vee and myself and off we went. After arriving at the doctor emotions were running high. We talked about the good ole days and tried to stay distracted until they called my name…it was time. Jenna and Kim accompanied me to see the doctor. We sat anxiously awaiting my test results. The doctor was reading my results and paused to utter the words “Jesus”, he told us that it was the most positive test result he has ever seen. Kim was crying and I was in shock. Kim had to keep repeating it to me, telling me that not only was I positive by Igenex criteria but also by the strict guidelines of the CDC. When it finally hit me I just broke down and Kim and Jenna rushed to my side to hold me. It was a beautiful life changing moment. He expressed that I was very ill and he was going to help me get better and that I have had it since I was a child. Funny that two girls from a small town in Texas end up with the same disease.
My mind was racing with so many emotions that I was mentally exhausted. I could not believe that after all these years I finally had an answer to everything. I have been through so much pain and agony my whole life but it has made me strong and very tolerant to pain. I have listened to all kinds of doctors over the years tell me that I was crazy or making it all up, I even heard this from the people closest to me. I can’t even begin to tell you how soul crushing that is. To have a doctor not believe you is one thing, but to have your family not believe you is another thing all together. I finally made the choice to just be my own self advocate on my health. When I connected with Kim she brought me hope and peace of mind that no matter what she believed me and was willing to help me. It takes a beautiful soul to give someone help when they in return are in just as much pain. All of this made me realize that I needed to move on from all the negativity in my life and start anew.
The girls and I headed out for some grub at a little Mexican restaurant. We sat in a booth for four and talked. Vee had struck up a conversation with an older man sitting across the way from us. He dressed in faded overalls, moss green crocs and a crooked camo cap. He was alone and unmarried, quietly eating his dinner. He obviously was a regular because even the manager knew his name. This man that I will call “R” spoke to us about respect for women and how always to be kind to them. He made my heart smile, surprisingly gentle and kind even with the rough exterior. When we were ready for the check the waitress came and told us that our meal had been “taken care of”. We were shocked and asked by who. Even though the waitress never really said we knew who it was. The kind man “R” had picked up the tab for us. We were very grateful for his generosity and spent some time chatting with him. What a kindness “R” had showed us and we promised to pay it forward.
We headed back to the hotel to reflect on the day and unwind. I couldn’t have asked for a better group of girls to help me through one of the hardest and joyous days of my life. We laughed, we cried and we goofed off big time! From dog piles to rapping in the parking lot we had an awesome night letting loose. Vee had us cracking up with her toilet paper mask that Jenna made her and her talent for rapping. Jenna graced us with her best dance moves and Kim with her beats. These ladies are infected with kindness and laughter.
The next morning was a somber one. It was time to head home. We decided to get some breakfast at Cracker Barrel and part ways. We talked over breakfast and then hit the gift store. Everyone knows you can’t go to Cracker Barrel without visiting the store! With our last hugs goodbye we parted till next time. Jenna and I spent the rest of the trip home listening to music from Griffin House and enjoying the beauty of the drive.
In these short few days my life has changed dramatically. I not only found the root cause of all the things that I have experienced throughout my life but made some life altering decisions for myself. I learned in this brief period of time that life is to short and I do not want to be surrounded by people that do not make me happy and people who do not have my back. The betrayal I have felt has not left me bitter but more aware of people’s true colors. I have learned the hard way and now I can move on with my life in a more positive way. Knowing what I will have to go through brings me comfort that I have great friends by my side.
Letter to Kim:
You have been such an inspiration to me. You reached out to me in my most desperate of hours. You helped me find the strength to march on in my journey for answers. Your kind and motivating words touched my heart and soul. You encouraged me with your own story of struggles to take the leap faith. I know that I have reconnected with a life long friend. Words can not due justice to the way you have changed me. I will be forever grateful for your support and honest words. I will always be here for you for anything that may come your way. I believe in you and God will bless you for you have paid it forward in one of the biggest ways possible. You are my friend and always will be.