Yesterday I returned for my 6 week checkup after being diagnosed with Acute & Chronic Lyme Disease. I love that my doctor takes his time with me and listens carefully to everything I say so that he knows how to treat me best. This is something that I am not used to, as I am used to doctors calling me crazy lol.
After being on all the medications for six weeks it has taken its toll on my body and my stomach. It has come to our attention that my pill intake has to be cut drastically down so that my stomach will calm down. The decision to start IV medications was made yesterday. I will now be taking my antibiotics by IV and only a small few by pill form.
This is a huge step in progress for me. I desperately want to get better fast, but I know that I will get worse before I get better. It is just part of the process of killing this off and ALL the co-infections that I am plagued with. After going over all of the lab tests and symptoms it is clear how sick I really am and you would never know by looking at me. I can not stress enough how debilitating this disease is and how great it is at masking it all. I hate the famous line “well you don’t look sick”. That line makes me want to vomit and explode on someone.
I met a man from Arkansas while I was there and he was new to all this but had been suffering for about three years. We talked and talked about all the things that needed to be done and how great our doctor is and how effective his treatment plan is. He shared a little secret that most of us with an invisible illness don’t talk about alot to other people. He mentioned that his wife was having a hard time accepting all this that he felt like no one believes him.
We have all been there. I have talked about it before how being this sick for so long can take its toll on any relationship. I feel like I have been a burden all these years. That nothing I was ever doing was ever good enough because I was not at my best. It has strained many relationships in my life including my marriage. It is an awful feeling knowing that you are not always pulling your weight and causing that person to pick up the slack. It is alot of pressure for someone. Overall, these people just don’t understand that we don’t want it this way, we want our lives back to whatever “normal” is or was.
I wish that everyone this disease and many others like it could come with an instruction manual for all the people in your life, especially your spouses. Maybe then it would not be so hard for them to accept. Maybe they could start to understand that we did not ask for this nor did we want it. It is, what it is….deal with it! If you truly love that person you should give that courtesy of believing them even if you can’t feel or see it for yourself. It takes a whole other level of commitment and love to move through the treatment of this disease. I hope that for most of you out there that you have a spouse and family that love you and are with you every step of the way. But for most I know you are in the same boat as I am, they can’t take it. They up and move on without you, never wanting to see you better and normal for the first time. I have listened to many people that are back to “normal” now that say those people try to step back in your life after it is all over with. This pains me greatly. What makes them think you would want them back in your life if they can’t tough it out with you through the tough times. To me that shows a lack of character and commitment. There is no love there, it is a selfish relationship. Those people need to be purged from your life so a new and positive place opens up in your heart.
Ok enough of my side rant! To say the least here I am excited that my treatment is going in this direction because I know I will start to get better faster than I would on the pills. I will still be sick for a long time but there is an end in sight. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I maybe crawling there but I will get there, I can promise you that! I have great friends and a community of people like me all cheering me on, like I cheer for them. I will keep everyone posted!
I have to keep telling myself over and over again, this to will pass. You will come out stronger on the other side. People in your life that are not worthy will move on and true happiness awaits you on the other side. It will be a long bumpy road but you will get there one day. Keep your head held high and your emotions close because this is the ride of your life.
Stay Strong & Surround Yourself With People Who Love You!